It's been some time...

Yea it's really been some time since I post when I'm sober. Lying in bed, suddenly I feel so lost again. Thinking back, the past few months had really been crazy! Think wad I had drank for the last few months can compare to a few years back when I occasionally drink. I also wan to stop... But... How??? I used to think y ppl chose to avoid and not face it, but den actually I'm the same now too...
Last nite shld be think too much... Was thinking wad will happen if I suddenly die... Izzit a phenomenon? Or am I really that jaded? Oh well and I really did dreamt that I'm dying!!! Yea it seems real and sad when things are ending for me. When I'm awake from that horrible nitemare, I'm stoning there thinking... In my life now, who can I call or msg to tell her abt my nitemare???